Archeologists Unearth Ancient Tomb

And: "Something happened to Dad"; and, The President couldn't be reached for comment; and, The War: A Conversation with Balls

Four articles today, from the hardest working man on substack.

ARTICLE ONE: Archeologists unearth ancient tomb

The year is 4072.

A team of archeologists and scholars are at work at the site of an ancient city, Ngton.

They discover something unprecedented. Wooden shards of what was once an immense burial tomb of an emperor: a central house with several wings.

Digging through layers of rock and soil, they come across an oval-shaped chamber, now in ruins, and pieces of a skeleton embedded in a collapsed chair.

Sunglasses are shielding the skeleton’s eye sockets. On a fragment of an elastic band attached to a piece of white cloth, they read “Biden.”

This, they speculate, was the name of the emperor.

A few days later, they unearth flakes of paper or parchment. On one large flake, they make out the words: “…shall make no law… abridging the freedom of speech…”

This, they assume, was the emperor issuing an edict barring anyone from limiting what he could say. Surely, freedom of speech couldn’t have applied to the general population. That degree of freedom had never existed in recorded history.

The emperor Biden must have been a great man, given that his burial tomb was an entire house. Ngton must have been a great city. Many slaves must have worked there.

The archeologists come across a small notebook inside a metal box. There is badly faded writing on the pages.

Scholars labor in vain for the next few years trying to read the words. They finally clarify this: “Drag Queen Children’s Story Hour.”

No one knows what it means.

However, during a series of ensuing high-level conferences, the scholars’ committee comes to a decision. That phrase will be used as a key to decode and interpret the nature of the ancient civilization.