Breaking: Joe Biden will coach the NY Giants!
We all thought Trump’s Inauguration and first 100 days was the biggest story in America.
And it was.
But the new Presidency has been overshadowed by the announcement that former President Joe Biden will take the reins of the NFL dumpster fire known as the New York Giants, coming off one of the worst seasons in its fabled history.
Team officials released the following statement:
“…With this coaching change, several innovations are immediately possible. Next year, the team will have no set plays. Our players will come to the line of scrimmage having no idea what they’re going to do. This will confound the opposition.”
“Run, pass, kick, who knows? This will free up our coaches, including Mr. Biden, to conduct ongoing real-time checks on the composition of our team. How many black, Hispanic, Pacific Islander, Asian, players? What are the ratios? How many women will we have?”
“We plan to spend and spend more to sign Ukrainian and Israeli and Palestinian and Syrian recruits. Winning will be the natural outcome of DEI policies across the board.”
“We’ll be offering discounted game tickets to undocumented migrants, and our stadium will house several thousand migrants at all times.”
“At least half of our security guards will come from Mexican cartels and former Venezuelan prisoners.”
“To keep our team on its toes and in the present moment, Mr. Biden will have no memory of recent losses. Just as he invoked the ERA Amendment as the Law of the Land—which was never ratified—he will claim we never went down to defeat at the hands of the Eagles or the Commanders, but won those contest by wide margins.”
“In pressers following games, he’ll suddenly snap at reporters for no apparent reason—thus keeping them at bay.”
“From time to time, Mr. Biden will wax poetic about his history as a star quarterback at various colleges. He’ll claim he played key roles in forwarding racial integration of sports teams for which he played.”
“Dr. Jill will handle all medical duties for the Giants. She’ll carry out sideline treatment of wounds and perform spontaneous surgeries, when necessary, in the medical tent during games. Her assistant, the recently exonerated Anthony Fauci, will make sure all our players are up to date on their vaccinations, including the life-saving COVID injections.”
“Mr. Biden is working on securing the services of a brave American transgender player to fill our empty slot at quarterback. This could be a man who is now a woman, or vice versa.”
“2025 is going to be a season of many exciting changes. You’re going to see things you never thought you’d see. As we speak, we’re negotiating with a world famous drag queen to come on board as our field goal kicker. Bring the kids to the games. Our half-time shows will be stunning.”
Mr. Biden could not be reached for comment. However, the Giants’ new General Manager, George Soros, told me he and Biden are “inspired to take on this challenging leadership role so together we can empty prisons of unfairly convicted innocent Americans.”
At the moment, I’m probing rumors that CNN and MSNBC will be employing some of those innocent Americans as on-air talent. And ESPN will hire several no-bail walkers in executive positions.
If Donald Trump could make $25 billion on a new meme coin overnight, a few days before his Inauguration, anything is possible.
-- Jon Rappoport
Me channeling my inner Sy Hersh: dateline: January 20th, 2025: Trump-47 inauguration day:
Starting as early as December 20, 2020, [!] four officials—three from the Senior Executive Service and one from the CIA, had held secret meetings at ‘Site-R’, to hammer out the details of a parallel COG Ops Proc, or parallel Continuity of Government Operations protocol for the Nuclear Football launch codes, that would bypass entirely the President and Vice President of the Unites States, given Joe Biden’s diminished mental acuity, and the Joint Chief’s lack of confidence in Kamala Harris…
Site-R is the short-name for Raven Rock Mountain Complex—the underground nuclear bunker, constructed in the early 1950s, that DoD personnel colloquially refer to as ‘the real Pentagon’—situated 75-miles north of DC, in Liberty Township, Pennsylvania—just 10 miles south of Gettysburg, and 20 miles north of Camp David, Maryland.
This past August—when I was in the early stages of putting together this story, one of my sources informed me he could provide further information as to what the Generals at Minot Air Force Base (North Dakota)—both the 5th Bomb Wing and the 91st Missile Wing, were requiring for the parallel protocol to be to ‘foolproof’. But, that he’d only speak with me if I’d meet him in-person at the Carroll Valley Golf Course, located 6-miles North West of Site-R. I agreed, and drove out of Alexandria for Carroll Valley that afternoon…
Thanks Jon, I really needed some good laughs this AM! This will make some of the former Giants' debacles (snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, defensive squads coming off the field and telling the offense "Hold em!", etc) seem like merely the warm up act LOL