Here I am on a quiet residential street in Beverly Hills. And here’s a resident coming toward me now. Excuse me, can I ask you a few questions about events of the day for NBC News?
Are we live? I don’t have any makeup on. I had to make breakfast for my husband and he was late and the kids were still in bed…
That’s all right. Don’t worry. And yes, we’re live. You look fine.
Thank you. Did you say NBC?
That’s right.
So people at home are watching us right now?
They sure are. Millions of them.
Okay, I guess. What did you want to know?
First question. Have you taken the COVID vaccine?
Not yet. I’m still on the fence.
I see. Well, suppose I offered you 50 hours of top-flight legal consensual adult porn to watch. In return for you taking the vaccine. Would you do it?
That’s a tough question. You say top-flight? Not a home production with grainy images?
No. The best Hollywood level porn.
I might agree to that trade. But not the boosters. Just the one shot.
That’s right. One jab.
And none of the women in the porn footage are trafficked?
Absolutely not. This is certified consensual performance for money. And the producers donate to charities. They’re environmentally conscious.
Really. They favor climate lockdowns?
I don’t know about that. But I assume that if the government says lockdowns are necessary, they’ll go along. I mean, who wouldn’t?
Plus, if there are lockdowns, I could spend 50 hours watching porn.
That’s right.
Can I take the diluted shot? Some of my neighbors have. There are a couple of doctors who have those special vials. There’s a nurse who has a placebo shot. It’s just water.
No, I’m afraid you’d have to get the real thing. Full strength.
I see. I’m pro-government. Very much so. If I knew, for instance, that people at the Department of State are watching these particular porn videos, it might sway me.
As matter of fact, hundreds of FDA employees have obtained medical letters that allow them to watch porn, while at work, for three hours a day. And this 50-hour stash I’m offering you is on their list.
No kidding? That’s great. I know a few dozen people here in town who have those same letters from their psychiatrists.
This is a very Progressive town.
It is. Porn is folded into the PTA. They put out bulletins that review porn videos.
So, will you? Will you make the trade? Take the vaccine, receive porn?