I return to the medical house of horrors—but I make it fun

CDC: “Data from the 2018 National Health Interview Survey (NHIS)…More than half (51.8%) of adults had at least 1 of 10 selected diagnosed chronic conditions (arthritis, cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, coronary heart disease, current asthma, diabetes, hepatitis, hypertension, stroke, and weak or failing kidneys), and 27.2% of US adults had multiple chronic conditions.”

These shocking facts only covered 10 categories of disease. Imagine how high the percentages would climb if you included all possible categories. For even higher numbers, you could factor in diagnoses of mental disorders.

Keep in mind that many cases of disease aren’t real. For example, there are a whole lot of people diagnosed with diabetes who are actually suffering from the condition known as “eating horrible food.” And with a little bad luck, many people can obtain a cancer diagnosis when, in fact, only three cells in their bodies show any indication of cancer—the real disease is “this is how we make money from patients.”

Nevertheless, we’re talking about HUGE numbers of people in America for whom the one all-absorbing subject of interest is their own (real or purported) illness.

You can pretty well assume the only conversation you can have with these people is the one about their health. Any other issue is going to lead there in 2.65 minutes or less.

The only comparable American focus is poverty.

Therefore, I see a clear path for any candidate running for President. (Pay close attention, Vivek. This is how you can make even more hay than you did when you walked away from your pharmaceutical company with millions, after the complete failure of the drug you were touting to attract investors.)

The Presidential candidate says:

“If you elect me as your next President, on my first day of office I’ll send a bill to the Congress guaranteeing every American a significant check in the mail every time they go to a doctor’s appointment. Poverty is alleviated, and you get the medical care you so desperately need. Not only that. The medical care, from womb to grave, is free. The government pays. No Obamacare. No complicated insurance. Now, if the Congress fails to pass this bill, I’ll declare a National Emergency and implement these conditions and gifts through Executive Order. Of course, if you’re one of the 2.25 million Americans killed by medical treatment every decade, or one of the many millions more severely maimed by treatment, you can’t sue the government. Injury and death are inevitable consequences and side effects of all medical intervention. But don’t worry about that. Rejoice, because I hear you. I know what you want. And I’m supplying it. Elect me and help me complete the transformation of America…”

And there you have it.

Exactly how a candidate can get elected President.

The country becomes an open-air hospital.