“Millions of people have long COVID”; Pinocchio’s nose got longer, too

One new study, supporting the “millions” assertion, claims the most common long COVID symptom people report is tiredness after light physical or mental exercise.

Aha.

As we all know, feeling tired can only be caused by THE VIRUS.

“Doctor, six months ago, I was fine. But since then, I’ve been fatigued.”

“Right, Ms. Jones. You have long COVID.”

“Say what?”

“I diagnosed you with COVID six months ago. The disease is persisting.”

“Oh. Come to think of it, I started feeling tired right after you diagnosed me.”

“A coincidence.”

“I don’t think so. I left your office. I was depressed by the diagnosis, and when I got home I couldn’t run my usual nine miles for the day.”

“Are you saying I made you tired?”

“Yes, I believe I am.”

“I’ll write a note to Homeland Security. Expect a visit to your house. Open the door carefully and assure the agents you have no weapons and no dogs.”

Long COVID is long money. For doctors.

And of course, the virus doesn’t exist. So there’s that.

I’ve felt tired since 1952. I’ve successfully fought it off by limiting my conversations with long idiots.

If I were the predatory CEO of a pharmaceutical company, I’d establish studies proving every disease under the sun can have a long component, which must be treated with drugs and prevented by vaccines. For years.

Long flu, long colds, long eyestrain, long ass ache, etc.

Doctors received special training in medical school so they could make absurd diagnoses with a straight face.

Otherwise, this would happen:

“Doctor, when you just told me I have long COVID, you smiled. Why?”

“Sorry, I was keeping myself from laughing.”

“What?”

“Sometimes it gets to be too much.”

“You lost me.”

“Have you ever said something so stupid you busted out laughing?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Ha-ha. Sorry. I’m trying to be serious, but long COVID? I mean, come on. When I first read about it, I cracked up. I had to go home from the office. Everything started to seem funny. I couldn’t control myself.”

Someday, somebody will come up with Long Pregnancy. Women can remain pregnant for up to three years. But at the end, they don’t give birth. The baby they’ve been carrying is only a few cells. However, this is a serious condition and must be treated for the full duration of the pregnancy. Treated with very expensive drugs. Otherwise the patient could develop Chronic Fatigue, Mononucleosis, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, etc.

Some of these women, when untreated, also develop Tourette’s, even speak in tongues—which can be quite embarrassing in social situations. Like Thanksgiving dinner.

There is also a condition known as Long Sermons. People are exposed to it during church services. Some houses of worship may have to be closed down, in order to curb contagion out in the community. Psychiatrists can treat the disorder, with anti-psychotic drugs.

All of these long illnesses can be avoided if we start diagnosing doctors. You don’t need a license to participate. Invent your own disease and disorder labels. Offer the doctors help—at a price. No insurance, no Medicare or Medicaid. Straight cash for your services.

For every diagnosis you make, be sure to attach the word “long.”

You’ll be correct. What these doctors are suffering from, they’ve had for a long time. Possibly since college. Maybe even earlier.

Hell, tell them it’s genetic. Doing that lets you get away with anything.

Remind them of the story about Jesus and the Money Changers. Tell them they’re suffering from Long Money Changing. That’ll hit them where they live.

-- Jon Rappoport

Episode 58 of Rappoport Podcasts—“COVID, the missing evidence”—is now posted on my substack. It’s a blockbuster. To listen, go here. To learn more about this episode of Rappoport Podcasts, go here.