Reparations on Television

The culture war takes a new turn

“Genealogy Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow,” hosted by Dr. Hammerhead H Hammerhead III:

“So Mr. Campbell, as you can see, this ancestor of yours sold slaves in Africa all those years ago…”

“Yes, but as a black man, I have to point out that the slave trade there was between Africans and white men.”

“Not in this case. I’m talking about slave trade between tribal groups of Africans, long before the white man ever showed up on the African continent. That was the business your ancestor ran. And he was prolific.”

“What?”

“You see, we’ve traced black slaves he bought and sold. Then we’ve researched the descendants of those slaves. It turns out that about 97,000 black people living today---in Africa and many other countries---descended from those slaves. The slaves your ancestor sold to other Africans.”

“Wait a minute.”

“I know you’re a strong advocate for reparations, Mr. Campbell. Because of what your ancestor did, you would now owe reparations to 97,000 black people.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“Well, for one thing, I don’t have that kind of money.”

“You could apply for grants from present African leaders, or perhaps you could take out a loan from the Ford Foundation. They might be sympathetic to your plight.”

“You know, after careful consideration, I want to clarify my position on reparations. So much time has passed since slavery. If we rely on genealogy, we get into such complex interrelationships, it’s difficult to make proper judgments. Besides, I didn’t personally engage in buying and selling slaves, so why should I pay?”

“I see. Well, it’s not the purpose of this show to make decisions on these matters. We’re just following the history. At any rate, this is our last program in the series. The network, in fact, has informed me this episode will never be aired. It’ll never see the light of day. So, in effect, this is just a private conversation between you and me, Mr. Campbell.”

“I’m glad to hear that. After careful consideration, I’ve re-clarified my position on reparations. The white man must pay. His ancestors brought African slaves to this continent and caused centuries of pain and suffering. Black Americans are owed, by my estimate, 38 trillion dollars. Since white private citizens can’t handle that bill, the federal government is on the hook for it.”

“Thank you and good night.”

-- Jon Rappoport

Jon also writes at NoMoreFakeNews.com and OutsideTheRealityMachine.com

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