Rumor & Gossip: the former First Dude in the Oval Office
A few years ago, I spoke with a linebacker for the XXXXX in the NFL.
He told me Michelle Obama showed up one day at team practice, and when he bumped shoulders with her, “She felt as hard as a rock.”
After the team left the field, the linebacker was sitting on the sidelines nursing a sore knee, and he saw Michelle strip down to shorts and a sports bra. “She kicked off her heels and started going after the tackling dummies. Man, she was fierce. I mean, we could have used her. She knew I was there. She came over to me. She had this look in her eyes. She was boiling with some kind of revenge. She said, ‘You know, I told Barack he could make me chairman of the Joint Chiefs and I would take the Pentagon to new levels. The war in Afghanistan. That shit would have been over in a few months. And the terrorists collecting in Iraq after we smashed the country twice. I would have wiped out those jihad guys in a few weeks. Barack can get nasty when he wants to, but I’m a whole different brand. I only settle for complete victory.’ I looked at her. Or him. I said, ‘We need you in our locker room. We need somebody with the hunger, to motivate the whole team. You know, do or die.’ She laughed. ‘First thing that has to go is your coach,’ she said. ‘He’s one of those nice guys. Wants to make friends with the players. A loser. I’m from the Vince Lombardi school. Winning is the only thing. The rest is lollipop shit. That’s the trouble with this country. Too many candy asses. If I ever become President, I’ll bring down the hammer.’ Michelle continued,...