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Your description of living in the pattern is really interesting to me right now. I was trying on clothes and really loathing how I look as a specimen, and I can't for the life of me figure out why or how I feel disgusted. Who put that pattern in place, that if you don't look like a catalog model you're garbage? I think it's ironic that the pattern doesn't change how I behave at all. In fact, I rebel against that pattern, but in the wrong way. I don't know how to challenge it, even.

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