We never went to the Loon

That’s what Republicans better say, because if they lose the House in 2024, the next Speaker is going to be Hakeem Jeffries.

And he’s crazier than a kangaroo on tequila.

Here’s how Hakeem slings it—performing the alphabet from A to Z. Literally. January 7, 2023, his speech following McCarthy's election as Speaker of the House:

House Democrats will always put American values over Autocracy, Benevolence over Bigotry, the Constitution over the Cult, Democracy over Demagogues, Economic opportunity over Extremism Freedom over Fascism, Governing over Gaslighting, Hopefulness over Hatred, Inclusion over Isolation, Justice over Judicial overreach, Knowledge over Kangaroo courts, Liberty over Limitation, Maturity over Mar-a-Lago, Normalcy over Negativity, Opportunity over Obstruction, People over Politics, Quality of life issues over Q-anon, Reason over Racism, Substance over Slander, Triumph over Tyranny, Understanding over Ugliness, Voting rights over Voter suppression, Working families over the Well-connected, Xenial over Xenophobia, Yes we can over You can’t do it, and Zealous representation over Zero-sum confrontation.

—“Hakeem, they’re waiting for you to deliver the speech. Come on.”

“I’m trying to find another word that begins with X. It has to mean the opposite of Xenophobia.”

“What?? What the hell are you doing, man? The reporters are waiting for you.”

“I’m covering the whole alphabet. It’s the best idea I’ve ever had. Al Sharpton, Obama—they never thought of anything this big.”

“How many shots of Casamigos did you have?”

“Shh. Here it is. I’ve got it. Listen to this. Xenial. ‘Of, relating to, or constituting hospitality or relations between host and guest and especially among the ancient Greeks between persons of different cities’.”

“Xenial? Are you sure that’s a real word?”

“I’m reading the dictionary, dude. Of course it’s real. And it’s perfect. It’s the opposite of xenophobia. See, the whole universe is BUILT on these opposites, and I just unlocked the code. I put the key in the lock and turned it. Wait ‘til I hit those Republican assholes with XENIAL. I could run for President on this shit. See where I’m going? Live stream! Every day I do a different letter of the alphabet. Acceptance versus…Antipathy. And I explain it. Beauty versus Bigotry…”

The door opens. A House cop sticks his head in. “Congressman, they’re waiting for you.”