Auction! You can buy these goods stolen from Nordstrom! They’re flash-mob certified classics!

They’re iconic cultural items! And they can be yours!

Why not? Let’s get real.

Recently, in a continuation of the ongoing LA crime wave, a flash mob of 50 independent reparations scholars liberated items worth 100K from the Topanga Mall Nordstrom.

Even dyed in the wool California liberals are piling on their former darling, LA County DA George Gascon, who’s never met a thief he didn’t love. As in: “We decline to file charges, you’re free to go, and best of luck in your future endeavors, young man.”

But in order to help these thieves further, why put them through the annoying details of fencing their loot?

Let’s go right to an auction. And who better to stand at the podium and handle the bidding than DA George Gascon himself?

The CA liberals can buy the high-end merch…with cultural enhancement attached.

Gascon: “I assure you, my office has verified these products as flash-mob yanked. Buyers will be provided with certificates I personally sign.”

Hell, we’ve got to put the auction on television. MSNBC desperately needs a hit.

Gascon on a studio set of an auction room: “I have here a Judith Leiber Cake Gala Crystal Clutch purse. Golden leather interior. The bid begins at nine thousand. Do I hear ten? Some day you can tell your grandchildren it was a reparation item!”

Which brings us to realize the auction house can simply cement ongoing partnerships with mobs of thieves.

It’ll work well. The house makes up a list of enviable items featured at local shops, the thieves stroll into the shops and steal them, and take them directly to the house for auction.