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The Virus World Series postponed; giant scandal erupts
Fortunately, I have a background in sports reporting; so I can explain the mess that’s descended on the 2023 World Series.
The two teams are the Virus Hunters, led by the CDC Epidemic Intelligence Service, Tony Fauci, and various doctors and politicians, including Rand Paul and a somewhat reluctant Bob Kennedy…
Versus the Virus Probers, headed up by Andrew Kaufman, Tom Cowan, Christine Massey, Sam and Mark Bailey, Kevin Corbett, Eric Francis Coppolino…
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As you recall, Game 1 was played in wet conditions. A soup consisting of monkey cells, growth medium, antibiotics, random genetic fragments, other chemicals, and a sputum sample from a patient was spread around the bases in the infield.
The Virus Hunters, supported by umpires from the National Institutes of Health, claimed 43 “virus runners” scored during the top half of the first chaotic inning.
The Virus Probers declared ZERO runs were scored. They pointed to the fact that not one so-called virus had been isolated and separated from the muddy soup in the infield.
The game was halted while the umpires consulted with Major League Baseball headquarters. During this extended timeout, Christine Massey and Sam Bailey were interviewed by network reporters.
The two Probers demanded evidence of even one virus baserunner, and referred to large protests taking place in the stands—where the crowd of 50,000 fans “hadn’t seen a single thing that indicated runs were being scored.” Indeed, the packed stadium was in an uproar.
Fans shouted NO ISOLATION, NO ISOLATION.
Finally, an explanation was offered by Major League Baseball’s doctor and pig farmer, Horatio McSmear:
“You see, the isolation IS the process by which virus runners circle the bases, and the runners ARE proof of isolation. It’s a perfect storm.”
No one understood that. Even Dr. McSmear seemed confused. He added: “You can’t separate the runners from the soup.”
Christine Massey then said: WHY NOT?
No one had an answer. Instead, a voice from the stadium loudspeaker system announced: “Let us all bow our heads in silence on behalf of our military men and women devoting their lives to the service of our great nation.”
Vendors in the stands began offering free beer, hot dogs, and peanuts to fans.
The big scoreboard, which was showing 43 runs scored by the Virus Hunters, blinked several times and went dark.
And that was that. The game was canceled.
Andrew Kaufman told an ESPN reporter, “This is what it looks like when an illusion is exposed. No one gave our team a chance in the Series, but they didn’t count on the fact that common sense can prevail. When there is NO EVIDENCE that runs are being scored, but they arbitrarily put up runs on the scoreboard, everybody can finally see what’s going on.”
In a final moment of egregious exposure, Eric Coppolino and Kevin Corbett, Prober teammates, dragged a cardiologist, Dr. Frump Valve, from his seat above their dugout out on to the field, snatched a mic from a FOX reporter, and spoke with Dr. Valve.
“Doctor,” Corbett said, “Tell the fans what you just told us.”
“Well, I have no stake in this game. I’m neutral. But from what I’ve just witnessed, it’s obvious to me that no isolation is happening here. No runs are being scored. It’s a shutout. You can’t claim there are virus runners when you do nothing to separate them from the soup. All you have is the soup. And soup isn’t baseball. Somebody is trying to fix the World Series. This is a national scandal.”
Coppolino said, “What about genetically sequencing the supposed virus, Dr. Valve? What’s going on there?”
The doctor emitted a sound somewhere between a gag, a cough, and a guffaw. “You’re going to detect the genetic makeup of something you never found in the first place? Now that would really be a magic batter getting a magic hit and turning into a magic baserunner.”
And that’s when the riots broke out in the stands.
The Virus World Series is officially on hold. But we all know the outcome. The Virus Hunters have lost. They have no support system.
The Probers win.
They always do, when bloviating lies are reduced to plain truth.
-- Jon Rappoport
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